What is Toxic Positivity?

Anything that is done in excess in your life can be detrimental to your wellness and 
emotional health, and that includes positivity. Toxic positivity is simply forcing yourself to 
be positive and optimistic about absolutely everything in your life, the good, the bad, the 
stressful, and the joyous. While it is amazing to practice positive self-talk and look on 
the bright side of things, it can turn toxic when it results in denial or the inability to really 
accept your own thoughts and emotions. 

You are living a human experience just like everyone else, so you shouldn’t feel shame 
or guilt for feeling how you feel, even if it isn’t 100% positive all the time. 

Here are some things to know about toxic positivity.


What Does Toxic Positivity Look Like?

First of all, what exactly is toxic positivity? Here are some common signs to be aware of.

Invalidating someone else’s emotions by telling them to just get over it. This is 
probably one of the most common ways people practice toxic positivity. You might 
mean well when your friend tells you they are feeling bad about something, and you tell 
them to just not think about it and move past it, but it isn’t helpful at all. You don’t want 
others to do this to you either.

Shaming someone for the types of emotions they are experiencing. Whether you 
are shamed or you are shaming someone else, this often comes out in the form of 
shutting down someone’s feelings, and telling them to look on the bright side. While it is 
good to always look for gratitude in times of stress, you should also be free to express 
and feel your emotions. This is necessary before you can process them fully.

Masking your feelings with something positive, no matter how bad you feel. 
Masking or hiding your emotions is not “just thinking positively”. This is toxic positivity. It 
is a way to pretend you’re happy and everything is fine, while you are hurting deep 
inside, even if you don’t acknowledge or accept those feelings. It is okay to feel how you 
feel.



Examples of Toxic Positivity

If you’re still a little confused about what toxic positivity is compared to just having a 
positive mindset or attitude, here are some examples of what it might look like in your 
life.

Just be happy! You can’t force emotions, even if you want to. A classic form of toxic 
positivity is when you feel sad, angry, or stressed, and someone tells you to just feel 
happy. 

It’s going to work out. Nobody else can predict what will happen, so a better method 
of supporting someone with a difficult circumstance is to offer your help and listen to 
them, not tell them it’s going to be fine. This doesn’t seem toxic, but it is more in the 
delivery of this statement and the true meaning behind it.

Everything happens for a reason. This is a very common form of toxic positivity by 
someone who means well. They want to help you feel better about a bad situation, but 
being told it happened for a reason is often very hurtful, and doesn’t help you feel 
supported at all.


What You Can Do About it

Now that you understand a little more about what toxic positivity is and why it should be 
avoided, here are some tips to start removing it from your life.


Offer to listen, instead of give advice. When it comes to someone else, you want to 
be supportive and positive for them. But to avoid toxic positivity, the best thing to do is 
just to listen to them. If they need and ask for advice, they will let you know. But don’t 
just assume you know best. 

Feel your feelings completely. For your own emotions, just let them come and feel 
however you feel. You don’t have to hide from these feelings just because they aren’t all 
sunshine and rainbows.

Allow yourself time. We often rush our emotions, especially after a traumatic or 
stressful event. It’s not necessarily hiding your emotions, but trying to rush through the 
healing process. But it can’t be rushed, and can actually turn into toxic positivity when 
you force yourself to feel better before you’re ready.

