Sober Living: How to Deal With Being the Sober Friend

When you quit drinking alcohol, no matter the reason, one of the hardest things to 
overcome is how to spend time with your friends and loved ones. So many social 
gatherings involve alcohol, not just parties. Going to the beach or lake, having dinner 
parties, attending a cousin’s wedding; they all inevitably have alcohol. While you will 
learn how to say no and not partake no matter where you are, it can be helpful to 
navigate these situations without feeling like you are constantly saying no to every 
invitation. 


Be Honest With Your Friends About What You’re Comfortable With

When you first quit drinking, you probably let your friends know and turn down most 
invitations when alcohol will be involved. But over time, it is common to want to see 
people again and socialize, just without the drinking. There will come a point when you 
are the sober friend, and navigating it requires you to be very honest with your friends 
about what you are comfortable with.

This tends to be different for everyone, and might change throughout your sober 
journey. But if you can’t be around any type of alcohol at all, that is something to bring 
up with your friends. That way, they can invite you out places where nobody will be 
drinking, and refrain from putting you in uncomfortable positions. If you get to the point 
where you’re fine being around people who are drinking, be honest and let your friends 
know that too.


Stay Away From Your Old Routines

You might have already come across this while getting sober, but when you are the 
sober friend around other people who drink, your routines will likely have to change. 
This doesn’t mean you can never spend time with your best friends again or do anything 
you used to love, but it might mean adjusting them a little bit so you aren’t reminded of 
your drinking days. This can be a little uncomfortable especially in the beginning shortly 
after you quit drinking.


Spend Less Time With Unsupportive Friends

You will notice pretty quickly which of your friends are supportive of your sober lifestyle 
and more than happy to be there for you and make changes to accommodate your new 
life, and those who just don’t understand. It doesn’t make them bad people, they just 
can’t relate and aren’t able to see why it is important to you. 

Unfortunately, that might mean spending less time with them, at least for a while. Being 
on a sober journey is not just a short-term challenge or something you try out for a little 
while. It is a lifelong commitment, and entirely new lifestyle. If you have friends who 
don’t try to understand it, then that’s a big red flag that it’s time to cut ties. This also 
includes people who make comments that they think are harmless, but are sober-
shaming you and making you feel bad for your lifestyle choices.


Suggest a New Way to Enjoy Your Favorite Activities

Another way to be the sober friend and still enjoy your life is by suggesting fun activities 
you can do together that don’t involve drinking, or at least make it easy for you to say no 
to alcohol. Maybe you and your friends used to love going to the lake when you all had 
a long weekend off, but it used to involve a lot of sitting around and drinking. 

What if you suggested this time when you go to the lake, you guys rent kayaks? It is 
only a slightly different activity with the same group of people at the same place, but by 
focusing more on the water sport and less on just sitting around getting drunk, it is much 
easier for you to participate. 


Indulge in New Activities and Try New Things

Another great option is suggesting brand new activities that you think some of your 
friends would enjoy doing with you. Do you have a group of friends who love being 
creative? If so, you can suggest taking a local art class together or learning something 
new. Get a group of people together to paint, learn pottery, or do creative writing. 

Think of any activity you have always wanted to do, whether it is learning to play an 
instrument, or visiting a local place you haven’t been to yet. Bring along some friends, 
and you will be able to bond and connect with them, without any risk of alcohol being 
involved. 

Being the sober friend doesn’t have to be a bad thing, and the people who love you the 
most, are the ones who will be there for you and want to do whatever they can to make 
it as easy as possible. They don’t have to be sober themselves just to accept your 
choice and respect you for it.




